Disclaimer: This photo is for illustrative purposes only. No politics. No product placement. Promise.
A relative of mine recently remarked that he’d like to see news outlets dedicated to reporting only positive news. There are, of course, several blogs and websites run by individuals that post only positive stories, but, truth be told, they don’t pack the punch.
We do live in some tough times, but why isn’t there more interest to bring positive news to the masses? In fact, can you even imagine a positive or happiness-inducing story making the front page or the top-of-the-hour news? Unlikely.
It turns out that we are programmed to receive negative messages from the day we are born. Unfortunately.
According to Shad Helmstetter, during the first eighteen years of our lives, if we grew up in fairly average, reasonably positive homes, we were told, “No!,” or what we could not do more than 148,000 times. If you were a little more fortunate, you may have been told, “No!” only 100,000 times or 50,000 times. However many, it was considerably more negative programming than any of us needs.
Meanwhile, during the same period, the first eighteen years of our lives, how many times do you suppose we were told what we can do or what we can accomplish in life? A mere average of 3,000 times.
The ratio? For every time we were encouraged to try something or that we were told we could succeed, we were given fifty messages that we could not or should not do something or that we would fail.
Yes, 50 negatives for every 1 positive.
There’s a fine line between setting limits for and being overprotective of our children. The line is arbitrary, and it is one that is different for everyone. The limits should be reserved for when a situation is dangerous or may result in harm. Protecting children from failure, however, might not be beneficial for them.
Rather than preventing them from taking a risk, encourage them to try and do their best, and work with them on how to deal with unfavorable outcomes.
While we wait for the news coverage to become more positive and rosy, we can at least send some positive messages to the children we raise and treat.
Do try this at home.
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Thanks for this tought provoking post!
As parents, our first and primary job is to keep our children safe. When our own fears spill into the mix, we may limit our children from experiences that may teach important lessons and from which they may grow. Parents can ask themselves, “What is my motivation to say ‘no’?’ If it has more to do with a limiting belief that you have then with your child’s safety, consider the positive things that could come about if you say, “yes”. I recently discovered a limiting belief that I have — “When having fun, I have to be careful or someone will get hurt.” I can see where that limiting belief had not only influenced my involvement in activities and my full enjoyment of activities but also some decisions I made around my daughter’s activities. I shifted that belief to “having fun is carefree.” I certainly will not put my daughter in an unsafe situation, AND I am more open to her participating in fun, carefree activities (and me, too!).
So more parents can read your post, we will have a link in the August 10th issue of Parenting News, our free weekly e-zine for parents and teachers. Subscribe at http://www.WholeHeartedParenting.com.
Thanks for your thoughtful post!
Thank you so much, Maggie, for your thoughtful comment. Fun, no doubt, has taken a back seat to everything else that’s going on around us, and it is unfortunate.
Thanks for sharing this post, and thank you for your great parenting e-zine. I read it and learn from it.